Sexual Intimacy after a Stroke

Couple laying in bed

Are you frustrated by the lack or romance in your relationship after a stroke? Do you long for closeness, intimacy and a satisfying sex life with your partner, but find that it’s just not happening? You are not alone—most couples want to be intimate after a stroke, but there are a number of things that can make this challenging. Physical problems, including medication side effects, incontinence, medical illnesses, and limited movement or sensation can cause a drop in sexual desire or function. But the biggest obstacles are psychological—fear of another stroke, depression, and lack of communication between partners. When your spouse has aphasia, sending and receiving messages about love, affection and sexual desire is especially difficult.

But don’t give up! Regaining sexual intimacy after a stroke is possible, and well worth the effort. Here are some tips that may help you:

Tips for Enhancing Sexual Intimacy with Aphasia

  • Find nonverbal activities that you and your spouse can enjoy together, such as listening to music, painting or drawing, daytrips, or dancing. These shared experiences create the emotional closeness that sets the stage for sexual intimacy.
  • Use a combination of communication techniques to develop closeness and intimacy. Smiling and other facial expressions, touching, pictures, writing and gestures are ways that you can enhance communication when your spouse is unable to understand spoken language.
  • Communicate your sexual interests and desires using gestures, caressing, kisses, and loving words, sounds, or even songs.
  • Create the mood for intimacy with romantic music and lighting, wear attractive or sexy clothing, or take a shower with your spouse. These actions speak louder than words!
  • During sex, try using more explicit gestures than you did before the stroke, for example placing your partner’s hand where you want to be touched, or pantomiming particular sexual acts or movements.

General Tips for Enhancing Sexual Intimacy after a Stroke:

  • Don’t be afraid of sex! There is little evidence that sexual activity will cause another stroke. If you have any concerns about this, ask your doctor.
  • Don’t be embarrassed to talk with your doctor about sexual issues. Changing medications, treating other medical conditions or better managing bladder incontinence may greatly improve your sex life.
  • Nothing kills the mood for romance like depression. If you or your partner is depressed, discuss this with a doctor or mental health professional. Treatment for depression is likely to increase your interest in sex and your ability to enjoy relating to your partner.
  • It’s OK to schedule sexual activity. There are many demands on your time, and sex tends to slip to the bottom of the list unless you make it a priority. Putting sex on the calendar can create the excitement of having a “date” and give you something to look forward to.
  • Fatigue is common after a stroke, so it’s important to have sex when you are well rested. “Bedtime” may not be the best time; try having sex in the morning, or after a nap.
  • Try not to worry about your sexual “performance.” Focus on sharing enjoyment and pleasure with your partner.
  • Be creative, experiment and have fun!

Sexual intimacy can also be affected by changes in cognitive abilities, self-esteem, body image, and marital roles after a stroke. For more tips on improving your sexual relationship—as well as many other aspects of your marriage after a stroke—refer to When Your Spouse Has a Stroke: Caring for Your Partner, Yourself and Your Relationship (Johns Hopkins University Press, 2011)

Care to share your own tips for improving sexual intimacy after a stroke? Have any questions? Ask away!

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Reader Comments

Wonderful to see sexuality being addressed here. All life experiences can be altered following stroke and aphasia, but this is one that is sadly, often ignored by rehab professionals. Thanks for posting.

#1 
Written By Shirley Morganstein on July 13th, 2011 @ 4:17 pm

Thank you for speaking, advising and reassuring about a difficult subject.

#2 
Written By Eileen Erickson on July 14th, 2011 @ 2:41 am

You are very welcome. You might also want to see the Fact Sheet "Recovery after Stroke: Redefining Sexuality" available from the National Stroke Association (www.stroke.org). Other sources of information on sexuality after stroke are listed in the Resources section of my book, When Your Spouse Has a Stroke.

#3 
Written By Sara Palmer, Ph.D. on July 20th, 2011 @ 7:05 pm

Thanks for your comment. You are right that professionals often neglect discussion of how a stroke or aphasia can affect sexuality. However, it's my experience that if you take the initiative to ask doctors (or other health care provider) about sexual concerns, they will try to help you. Don't be shy!
Please check out the chapter, A Fine Romance:Sex and Intimacy after Stroke, in my book, When Your Spouse Has a Stroke, for more information.

#4 
Written By Sara Palmer, Ph.D. on July 20th, 2011 @ 7:13 pm

It’s not really clear why, but men and women have struggled with their different intimacy urges for centuries. However, this is not a trivial issue. A healthy intimate life is one of the most critical features of a fulfilling relationship. In fact, low drive for intimacy is probably the single most troubling symptom married women face and the one problem most likely to damage their relationships permanently. Intimacy in marriage is vital because it proves the willingness of each person to be vulnerable to the other. http://www.newportpsychotherapy.com/psychology_to...

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On our first day of a planned vacation, my fiancee suffered a stroke. He was in acute inpatient care then acute rehab for two weeks before we could get back home from Utah. At the age of 49, we were just starting the passionate part of our relationship when this happened. We have many years left to be intimate and I was beginning to feel guilty for wanting to initiate sexual contact until he finally told me how scared he was to have sex again for fear of having another stroke. I want to thank you for addressing this issue. It has reassured me as a caregiver, and him to the point of our relationship has now blossomed into a much more passionate togetherness.

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#107 
Written By viagra on April 16th, 2014 @ 5:26 am

How much Meridia do you need for it to be effective?

#108 
Written By Viagra on April 16th, 2014 @ 7:24 pm

I don’t if its just? me but whenever Meridia speaks… It reminds me of Clash of the Titans or Jason and the Argonauts

#109 
Written By viagra on April 16th, 2014 @ 9:20 pm

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#110 
Written By Viagra on April 17th, 2014 @ 1:26 am

I have to take diazepam in order to get a epidural, will I be able to function the next day?

#111 
Written By viagra on April 17th, 2014 @ 2:38 am

I would like to be a bloger/director but i don’t have any ideas HELP…would a video phone be ok my phone has really good quality….

#112 
Written By Viagra on April 17th, 2014 @ 7:54 am

be aware that a persone taking zolpidem or ambien has to take it while in bed en then lie down and close your eyes and wait for it to work and fall asleep.otherwise it could be dangerous because of sleepwalkin, etc… ambien is the best sleepaid but it has to be used like it should. … and if this does’nt work go back to the docter he will give you something else like lorametazepam or? something. grtz

#113 
Written By Viagra on April 17th, 2014 @ 4:04 pm

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#114 
Written By Viagra on April 17th, 2014 @ 5:43 pm

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#115 
Written By Viagra on April 17th, 2014 @ 10:13 pm

I’m hungarian? and my name is Soma

#116 
Written By Viagra on April 18th, 2014 @ 8:53 am

I’ve never heard that Propecia’s side effects will keep people from growing their beards. I don’t? even think that’s a side effect. I’d go for it.

#117 
Written By Viagra on April 18th, 2014 @ 4:56 pm

How long before feeling withdrawal effects from klonopin?

#118 
Written By Viagra on April 18th, 2014 @ 4:57 pm

I have an RX for ativan…..? never had a problem with it

#119 
Written By Viagra on April 19th, 2014 @ 7:45 pm

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#120 
Written By viagra on April 20th, 2014 @ 1:26 am

What is the danger associated with mixing Lexapro and alcohol?

#121 
Written By viagra on April 20th, 2014 @ 7:44 am

What young adult book series are becoming movies?

#122 
Written By Viagra on April 20th, 2014 @ 8:56 am

How to close down my blogspot account when I forgot email?

#123 
Written By viagra on April 20th, 2014 @ 11:11 pm

I have face major problem with my blog that it was not spam and blogger take my blog as spam….Can any one help me to recover my blog back..

#124 
Written By Viagra on April 21st, 2014 @ 3:24 am

What companies do you think can benefit from blogging?

#125 
Written By Viagra on April 21st, 2014 @ 4:43 am

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#126 
Written By Viagra on April 21st, 2014 @ 1:45 pm

My mom takes Soma for muscle pain and seems to have some weird reactions to it. If she doesn’t eat before taking it she starts to slur her words and can’t focus enough to complete sentences. Is this normal or is she taking too much and lying about it?.

#127 
Written By viagra on April 21st, 2014 @ 8:01 pm

I downloaded a blogger template to my computer, now what?

#128 
Written By cialis on April 22nd, 2014 @ 1:12 am

Why is it that adderall and ritalin are used recreationally more often than other stimulant ADHD drugs?

#129 
Written By Viagra on April 22nd, 2014 @ 6:26 am

Please break it down for me like blogging for dummies..

#130 
Written By ambien on April 22nd, 2014 @ 8:17 pm

My experience of alprazolam is that it is probably the best? anxiolitic available but along with lorazepam in particular and all benzodiazapenes in general it has plenty of potential for addiction and abuse.

#131 
Written By viagra on April 23rd, 2014 @ 1:31 am

A rating system would be interesting, but not very useful. It would be just like anything else, a higher rating would be bought or faked, and things would just continue.. . In my opinion, and those of most of the higher IQ folks; The credibility of a Blog sits somewhere below WIkipedia, and only slightly above the ramblings of the drunk homeless guy on the street corner.

#132 
Written By cialis on April 24th, 2014 @ 4:00 pm

i used to take meridia every few months for only very few days just to control my weoght but lately it was pulled of the market .. now , i gained few kgs and im depressed so i eat more , i need somethin like meridia once more , anybody knows any other pill that replaced it ?. i heared about pills by Orexigen called contrave,, anybody heared about it or tried it?.

#133 
Written By cialis on April 24th, 2014 @ 5:22 pm

I took Ambien for a two week period. I got up in the middle of the and drove to the? top of a mountain where I woke up. By the time I got home my wife had called the Sheriff. They came and I argued with them that all I wanted was to go back to sleep. They said I should go to the hospital…which I did and got checked out and went home. Don’t take the stuff.

#134 
Written By cialis on April 24th, 2014 @ 9:50 pm

Oxycontin is a creation of the evil Lord? Xenu

#135 
Written By cialis on April 26th, 2014 @ 3:13 am

how much hydrocodone is in a table spoon of hydrocodone cough syrup?

#136 
Written By cialis on April 26th, 2014 @ 10:22 pm

In a set (list), you need a comma before the “and”. Otherwise the last two items are represented as a single thing separate from the other items. In other words, without the comma, you’ve inadvertently grouped the last two.. . Example… I like tacos, meatloaf, spaghetti and meatballs. It’s correct grouping on the last pair but still wrong grammar. It should be… I like tacos, meatloaf, and spaghetti and meatballs (or “spaghetti with meatballs” to avoid the doubling of “and”s).. . I’d word it like…. . This year’s must see movies include “A Good Day to Die Hard”, “The Wolverine”, “World War Z”, and finally, “The Last Stand”.

#137 
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#138 
Written By cialis on April 27th, 2014 @ 6:33 am

How long does Vicodin stay in your system for a drug test?

#139 
Written By viagra on April 28th, 2014 @ 7:37 am

propecia is a dihydrotestosterone prohibiter. It can in rare cases cause a lack of testosterone in? men causing a lesser desire for sex.

#140 
Written By viagra on April 28th, 2014 @ 12:00 pm

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#141 
Written By cialis on April 28th, 2014 @ 2:57 pm

Practically speaking how to start blogging?

#142 
Written By viagra on April 28th, 2014 @ 5:25 pm

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#143 
Written By ambien on April 29th, 2014 @ 8:35 am

Professor my ass, you have no degrees, did you think you were fooling anyone? You can hardly pronounce your words, you’re “medical advice” is confused. Tylenol is not physically addictive for instance. Thats just one point. There never were pure hydrocodone tablets? ANYWHERE. You don’t even know what one milligram looks like. Were you high when you made this?

#144 
Written By cialis on April 29th, 2014 @ 11:39 am

Blogger.com doesnt allow to make our own template . However you can host your blog on your own site and ask Blogger to redirect . Hope this helps

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I am very interesting in Delta Sigma Theta,Inc. What type of community service project are done annually?

#146 
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How to get rid of scars while taking accutane?

#147 
Written By viagra on April 30th, 2014 @ 1:05 pm

You can’t get “the real stuff” anywhere. It’s been withdrawn from the market because of serious side effects,. . http://www.drugs.com/acomplia.html

#148 
Written By cialis on May 1st, 2014 @ 3:59 am

what does your GP/Doctor say? Ask him/her

#149 
Written By cialis on May 1st, 2014 @ 3:51 pm

Long story short. I’m sick of this place. Last night I was crying because I’ve wanted to move so badly. I’m literally having dreams about it now.. I was at this career day thing a little while ago. The flight attendant said-. You can pick when you want to work, it’s a real flexible schedule,. You get free airfare.. Are those two statements correct, mainly the first? What kind of hours would I be looking at?. Would this even be a good job to go into after high school? I only want to stay for two years, so in the meantime I can travel around the world some and go to community college online. Then by then I’ll be able to go to a university.. But is it even worth it? Will I not be able to travel a lot of places? Will I not get at least some time off? Will the pay not be good? I don’t need amazing money but some would be nice.. Thank you.. I know they don’t send me on trips. I would just take advantage of the free airfare and take a trip every now and then. But if I don’t get at least two days off every now and then, I don’t see the point.. What kind of pay?. I’m wanting specific answers here. Everyone’s experience is different..

#150 
Written By viagra on May 1st, 2014 @ 11:40 pm

I take the oxycodone for back pain, but yesterday my doctor prescribed some tramodol for severe gastritis. For the pain in between the oxycodone. I’m sure it’s safe if he prescribed it.. But, I just wanted another opinion?.

#151 
Written By viagra on May 2nd, 2014 @ 12:39 am

My sister just got a prescription for Ambien, and she was all pleased to hear that the effects can be increased with alcohol use, so she now want to take it with a glass or two of wine.. While I havn’t heard of that amount being able to kill you, I’m still concerned.. Note: She’s not planning to get very drunk, or take more Ambien than prescribd. She just wants to “enhance” it with some wine. What would this do? What would she feel?.

#152 
Written By viagra on May 2nd, 2014 @ 8:20 pm

Its completely not possible. But if you can edit your template from the wordpress copy the whole text lines of code and then paste it in the edit template of blogger. As blogger supports only HTML and javascripts whereas WordPress supports php too. So conflicts may happen. Give it a try with above method.

#153 
Written By viagra on May 3rd, 2014 @ 5:58 am

it can interfere with progesterone’s neurosteroids. the enzyme Propecia inhibits is also responsible for that.

#154 
Written By cialis on May 3rd, 2014 @ 3:09 pm

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#155 
Written By viagra on May 4th, 2014 @ 2:36 am

I’m working on a website about health and diet, and I’m trying to link to the best health and diet information websites. I would appreciate any suggestions. Thanks!.

#156 
Written By viagra on May 4th, 2014 @ 9:33 am

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#157 
Written By viagra on May 4th, 2014 @ 10:40 am

According to the drugs.com site there is no interaction between the two. I check a second site as well to confirm, looks like it’s a safe combination. Most likely you have simply developed tolerance to the ambien, it happens all the time. that is something to talk to your doctor about.

#158 
Written By viagra on May 4th, 2014 @ 3:26 pm

I know Soma is a muscle relaxant but does it do the same thing as vicodin? All the online international pharmacies that ive seen dont offer vicodin, but soma is always on there. im just curious about the similarities and the differences between the two..

#159 
Written By viagra on May 4th, 2014 @ 8:04 pm

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#160 
Written By viagra on May 4th, 2014 @ 8:37 pm

What are the effects of prolonged Ambien use?

#161 
Written By viagra on May 4th, 2014 @ 10:46 pm

i take Klonopin For My Anxiety. Yes it’s one of the few meds that works on me oh? my god the doctors tryed so many!

#162 
Written By viagra on May 5th, 2014 @ 12:02 am

I have built my own website using DreamWeaver. I wish to put a feature on my site so that people visiting my site can write comments to me. The next visitor to must be able to read the previous comments and leave their comments. Basically a concept similar to Yahoo Answers. I’m a complete dummy, how do I go about achieveing this?.

#163 
Written By viagra on May 5th, 2014 @ 1:43 am

What happens if I get prescribed adderall while in Army ROTC in colllege?

#164 
Written By viagra on May 5th, 2014 @ 4:06 am

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#165 
Written By viagra on May 5th, 2014 @ 9:32 am

I’ve mistakenly changed my admin priveleges on one of my blogs to “guest”. I need the blogger people to restore it. I cannot find an actual email or contact form anywhere, and I’ve googled everything, including the Blogger Group on Google Groups, where they try to push everyone who needs support. I would gladly pay them for better service..

#166 
Written By viagra on May 5th, 2014 @ 2:24 pm

Propecia is an effective medaication for hair loss but it has side-effect of impotency, so I am planning to take other medicine with propecia which reduces chances for impotency (like giloy satva or any other allopathy, avurvedic medicine to save me from impotency). Then will it be safe to take Propecia?.

#167 
Written By viagra on May 5th, 2014 @ 11:19 pm

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#169 
Written By viagra on May 6th, 2014 @ 5:23 am

How Long Does Lorazepam Stay In Your System For?

#170 
Written By viagra on May 6th, 2014 @ 7:09 am

vicodin isnt even that good, oxycontin? is better

#171 
Written By viagra on May 6th, 2014 @ 8:34 am

I’m travelling abroad, and I smoke, ..please, no lectures on how unhealthy they are.. Are electronic ciggies allowed to be ‘smoked’ on aeroplanes ?.

#172 
Written By viagra on May 6th, 2014 @ 10:23 am

Im on zolpidem n have been? for years its marketed as a non benzodiazepine but trust me the leaflet in the box says its a benzo and the antidote is the same for zolpidem and diazepam..its a benzo fact!!

#173 
Written By viagra on May 6th, 2014 @ 2:15 pm

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#174 
Written By viagra on May 6th, 2014 @ 3:42 pm

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#175 
Written By viagra on May 7th, 2014 @ 2:14 am

Blogs are like online diaries, but they have become so popular that cyberspace is now called the blogosphere. People don’t exchange links anymore, they just leave their links on each others blogs. Blog is short for weblog. It’s a log of what a person says, promotes or communicates online. It unfolds in chronological order, by date. Search engines love blogs more than conventional websites, because they are updated on an hourly, daily or weekly basis. Search engines are programmed to scan blogs for activity and unique content periodically; at least once a day. But if you post a lot, the search engines become wise and scan you blog more frequently. If you would like to learn to make money, come to my blog and read my daily posts. If you have any questions, just ask. I read my comments everyday. I will help you make money, with blogs, affiliate products, adsense and social networks for free :)

#176 
Written By viagra on May 7th, 2014 @ 4:02 am

i wanna try ambien, but to be honest i do have really bad insomnia . not an adult quite yet but i’d? like to try it out for recreational use and for its purpose…

#177 
Written By viagra on May 7th, 2014 @ 10:09 am

Is my workout routine going to be effective?

#178 
Written By viagra on May 7th, 2014 @ 11:00 am

Ok I think I just figured out your problem with the pictures.. The first thing is you don’t need to link to every picture yourself just to make it open in its own window.. it in the editor you need to sign in to your blogger account and then go tom settings once there then go down to GLOBAL SETTING under that it will say select post editor select UPDATED EDITOR thats the editor you want it will make each picture you put on your posts have there own window I think you have the old one titled OLD EDITOR you need UPDATED EDITOR.. . Hope this helps good luck…

#179 
Written By viagra on May 7th, 2014 @ 4:12 pm

It’s always good to listen to another person’s point of view. You are correct in saying that largely the western media is biased and makes up headlines that are going to sell papers rather than tell the whole truth.. . Your blog is your opinion on Iran, which is worth more than mine or the media’s. Hopefully people will read it with an open mind and allow you to challenge their preconceived ideas. The truth is often difficult to find in one place, so I would urge people to base their views on a foundation of balanced and varied sources.. . The essay does seem scatty in places, which may make it less likely to be taken in an academic or serious way. However, this is a blog and the grammar used (and the occasional mistake :) ) gives it a feeling of being more genuine and from the heart. I would also say that if people are regularly noticing you reposting the same question it is likely to attract more negative attention that positive. Maybe try to post your links across a broader range of outlets instead :)

#180 
Written By viagra on May 8th, 2014 @ 11:42 am

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#181 
Written By viagra on May 8th, 2014 @ 10:22 pm

Statins such as Lipitor can potentially cause a dangerous side effect of muscle breakdown. Make sure your doctor checked a CK level in your blood; if it’s high it could signal muscle breakdown.

#182 
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#184 
Written By viagra on May 10th, 2014 @ 2:54 am

I take oxycodone for my back problems even though chiropractors can also stop the pain. I need to quit the oxycodone but by day three I can’t even function like a normal human. I have yet to get past day three. What kinds of changes are happening during oxycodone withdrawal and how long does the worst part last?.

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#186 
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#187 
Written By viagra on May 10th, 2014 @ 10:23 pm

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#188 
Written By viagra on May 11th, 2014 @ 9:23 am

Will one soma show up on a urine test if the test is sent to a lab?

#189 
Written By viagra on May 11th, 2014 @ 8:23 pm

Anyone here have a legitimate health reason??? I feel like I’m trapped because I’m dealing w/ both endometriosis and degenerative disc disease. I’m in? so much pain that I can’t get out of bed, some days… But I don’t want to be on oxycodone anymore!!! :’-( Any advice???

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