Sexual Intimacy after a Stroke

Couple laying in bed

Are you frustrated by the lack or romance in your relationship after a stroke? Do you long for closeness, intimacy and a satisfying sex life with your partner, but find that it’s just not happening? You are not alone—most couples want to be intimate after a stroke, but there are a number of things that can make this challenging. Physical problems, including medication side effects, incontinence, medical illnesses, and limited movement or sensation can cause a drop in sexual desire or function. But the biggest obstacles are psychological—fear of another stroke, depression, and lack of communication between partners. When your spouse has aphasia, sending and receiving messages about love, affection and sexual desire is especially difficult.

But don’t give up! Regaining sexual intimacy after a stroke is possible, and well worth the effort. Here are some tips that may help you:

Tips for Enhancing Sexual Intimacy with Aphasia

  • Find nonverbal activities that you and your spouse can enjoy together, such as listening to music, painting or drawing, daytrips, or dancing. These shared experiences create the emotional closeness that sets the stage for sexual intimacy.
  • Use a combination of communication techniques to develop closeness and intimacy. Smiling and other facial expressions, touching, pictures, writing and gestures are ways that you can enhance communication when your spouse is unable to understand spoken language.
  • Communicate your sexual interests and desires using gestures, caressing, kisses, and loving words, sounds, or even songs.
  • Create the mood for intimacy with romantic music and lighting, wear attractive or sexy clothing, or take a shower with your spouse. These actions speak louder than words!
  • During sex, try using more explicit gestures than you did before the stroke, for example placing your partner’s hand where you want to be touched, or pantomiming particular sexual acts or movements.

General Tips for Enhancing Sexual Intimacy after a Stroke:

  • Don’t be afraid of sex! There is little evidence that sexual activity will cause another stroke. If you have any concerns about this, ask your doctor.
  • Don’t be embarrassed to talk with your doctor about sexual issues. Changing medications, treating other medical conditions or better managing bladder incontinence may greatly improve your sex life.
  • Nothing kills the mood for romance like depression. If you or your partner is depressed, discuss this with a doctor or mental health professional. Treatment for depression is likely to increase your interest in sex and your ability to enjoy relating to your partner.
  • It’s OK to schedule sexual activity. There are many demands on your time, and sex tends to slip to the bottom of the list unless you make it a priority. Putting sex on the calendar can create the excitement of having a “date” and give you something to look forward to.
  • Fatigue is common after a stroke, so it’s important to have sex when you are well rested. “Bedtime” may not be the best time; try having sex in the morning, or after a nap.
  • Try not to worry about your sexual “performance.” Focus on sharing enjoyment and pleasure with your partner.
  • Be creative, experiment and have fun!

Sexual intimacy can also be affected by changes in cognitive abilities, self-esteem, body image, and marital roles after a stroke. For more tips on improving your sexual relationship—as well as many other aspects of your marriage after a stroke—refer to When Your Spouse Has a Stroke: Caring for Your Partner, Yourself and Your Relationship (Johns Hopkins University Press, 2011)

Care to share your own tips for improving sexual intimacy after a stroke? Have any questions? Ask away!

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Reader Comments

Wonderful to see sexuality being addressed here. All life experiences can be altered following stroke and aphasia, but this is one that is sadly, often ignored by rehab professionals. Thanks for posting.

Written By Shirley Morganstein on July 13th, 2011 @ 4:17 pm

Thank you for speaking, advising and reassuring about a difficult subject.

Written By Eileen Erickson on July 14th, 2011 @ 2:41 am

You are very welcome. You might also want to see the Fact Sheet "Recovery after Stroke: Redefining Sexuality" available from the National Stroke Association ( Other sources of information on sexuality after stroke are listed in the Resources section of my book, When Your Spouse Has a Stroke.

Written By Sara Palmer, Ph.D. on July 20th, 2011 @ 7:05 pm

Thanks for your comment. You are right that professionals often neglect discussion of how a stroke or aphasia can affect sexuality. However, it's my experience that if you take the initiative to ask doctors (or other health care provider) about sexual concerns, they will try to help you. Don't be shy!
Please check out the chapter, A Fine Romance:Sex and Intimacy after Stroke, in my book, When Your Spouse Has a Stroke, for more information.

Written By Sara Palmer, Ph.D. on July 20th, 2011 @ 7:13 pm

It’s not really clear why, but men and women have struggled with their different intimacy urges for centuries. However, this is not a trivial issue. A healthy intimate life is one of the most critical features of a fulfilling relationship. In fact, low drive for intimacy is probably the single most troubling symptom married women face and the one problem most likely to damage their relationships permanently. Intimacy in marriage is vital because it proves the willingness of each person to be vulnerable to the other.

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On our first day of a planned vacation, my fiancee suffered a stroke. He was in acute inpatient care then acute rehab for two weeks before we could get back home from Utah. At the age of 49, we were just starting the passionate part of our relationship when this happened. We have many years left to be intimate and I was beginning to feel guilty for wanting to initiate sexual contact until he finally told me how scared he was to have sex again for fear of having another stroke. I want to thank you for addressing this issue. It has reassured me as a caregiver, and him to the point of our relationship has now blossomed into a much more passionate togetherness.

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I have face major problem with my blog that it was not spam and blogger take my blog as spam….Can any one help me to recover my blog back..

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Written By cialis on April 29th, 2014 @ 11:39 am doesnt allow to make our own template . However you can host your blog on your own site and ask Blogger to redirect . Hope this helps

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My sister just got a prescription for Ambien, and she was all pleased to hear that the effects can be increased with alcohol use, so she now want to take it with a glass or two of wine.. While I havn’t heard of that amount being able to kill you, I’m still concerned.. Note: She’s not planning to get very drunk, or take more Ambien than prescribd. She just wants to “enhance” it with some wine. What would this do? What would she feel?.

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Its completely not possible. But if you can edit your template from the wordpress copy the whole text lines of code and then paste it in the edit template of blogger. As blogger supports only HTML and javascripts whereas WordPress supports php too. So conflicts may happen. Give it a try with above method.

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According to the site there is no interaction between the two. I check a second site as well to confirm, looks like it’s a safe combination. Most likely you have simply developed tolerance to the ambien, it happens all the time. that is something to talk to your doctor about.

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I have built my own website using DreamWeaver. I wish to put a feature on my site so that people visiting my site can write comments to me. The next visitor to must be able to read the previous comments and leave their comments. Basically a concept similar to Yahoo Answers. I’m a complete dummy, how do I go about achieveing this?.

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You have been on a relatively high dose of diazepam for too long for you to quit so abruptly. You need to speak with your doctor to establish a tapering schedule. Diazepam is a long-acting benzo so withdrawal effects are not felt as quickly as they would be when quitting other benzos but you will still feel them. Call your doctor at once for advice. The worst withdrawal symptom is seizures so this is not something to take lightly. Rebound anxiety is another withdrawal symptom. Withdrawal symptoms can last for months or even a year. You really need to taper gradually. Read the Ashton Manual (free resource) for more information. Link below.

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I’ve mistakenly changed my admin priveleges on one of my blogs to “guest”. I need the blogger people to restore it. I cannot find an actual email or contact form anywhere, and I’ve googled everything, including the Blogger Group on Google Groups, where they try to push everyone who needs support. I would gladly pay them for better service..

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Propecia is an effective medaication for hair loss but it has side-effect of impotency, so I am planning to take other medicine with propecia which reduces chances for impotency (like giloy satva or any other allopathy, avurvedic medicine to save me from impotency). Then will it be safe to take Propecia?.

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How Long Does Lorazepam Stay In Your System For?

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i wanna try ambien, but to be honest i do have really bad insomnia . not an adult quite yet but i’d? like to try it out for recreational use and for its purpose…

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Ok I think I just figured out your problem with the pictures.. The first thing is you don’t need to link to every picture yourself just to make it open in its own window.. it in the editor you need to sign in to your blogger account and then go tom settings once there then go down to GLOBAL SETTING under that it will say select post editor select UPDATED EDITOR thats the editor you want it will make each picture you put on your posts have there own window I think you have the old one titled OLD EDITOR you need UPDATED EDITOR.. . Hope this helps good luck…

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It’s always good to listen to another person’s point of view. You are correct in saying that largely the western media is biased and makes up headlines that are going to sell papers rather than tell the whole truth.. . Your blog is your opinion on Iran, which is worth more than mine or the media’s. Hopefully people will read it with an open mind and allow you to challenge their preconceived ideas. The truth is often difficult to find in one place, so I would urge people to base their views on a foundation of balanced and varied sources.. . The essay does seem scatty in places, which may make it less likely to be taken in an academic or serious way. However, this is a blog and the grammar used (and the occasional mistake :) ) gives it a feeling of being more genuine and from the heart. I would also say that if people are regularly noticing you reposting the same question it is likely to attract more negative attention that positive. Maybe try to post your links across a broader range of outlets instead :)

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Statins such as Lipitor can potentially cause a dangerous side effect of muscle breakdown. Make sure your doctor checked a CK level in your blood; if it’s high it could signal muscle breakdown.

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I take oxycodone for my back problems even though chiropractors can also stop the pain. I need to quit the oxycodone but by day three I can’t even function like a normal human. I have yet to get past day three. What kinds of changes are happening during oxycodone withdrawal and how long does the worst part last?.

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Anyone here have a legitimate health reason??? I feel like I’m trapped because I’m dealing w/ both endometriosis and degenerative disc disease. I’m in? so much pain that I can’t get out of bed, some days… But I don’t want to be on oxycodone anymore!!! :’-( Any advice???

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